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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
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Friday, September 26th, 2003
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Auto Response from neo E3: i was just sitting here deep in thought for about an hour and a half... its impossible to say what i want to say about some of the realizations i made in an away message, but i can use this as an opportunity to convey one important message to everyone: im the only person like me, and you're the only person like you. there are no replacements, and there is no reset button.
keikofromjapan: i read your message and i thought for a while..
keikofromjapan: dam now im thinking too much.. i wish i never read it..
keikofromjapan: why do you think so much
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, September 12th, 2003
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Thursday, September 11th, 2003
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| Time: | 4:09 am. |
| Mood: |  infuriated. |
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seeing her just makes me angry.. i dont think of any of the good times.. al i thihnkn aboutnow is how she said she didnt want a boyfriend.. how she said she couldnt at this time in her life... and how she lied to me about both of those things.. and started dating this half assed verion of me.. who aparently tries to be just like me.. how she woulndt try to fix us.. how hse lied when she said she didnt have feelings for anyone else.. how he pretended to be my friend until i was out of the picture.. how she said shed be my friend.. how she doesnt call.. how she refuses to be frienldy, short of saying hi and making small talk when she happens to be at the same places i am.. thats not friends, thats stangers who know each others first names.. how her family hates him... how i miss her dad and mom.. somuch.. and how i miss her brother.. he was my brother.. for 3 years.. i havent talked to him since.. i feel so bad about that... i dont think of anything good wheni see her.. its hard to.. its hard when the person you trusted most in your life the person you loved most in your life.. the person that mattered most in your life.. denies youeverything, friendship, willingness, honesty, integrity, compassion, .. and hiurts you more than youve ever hurt.. but acts so cold.. like its my fault.. like i brought this on myself... well i sure as hell didnt bring her dating some fake, lying, wana be, broke, no-job,no-car, no outlook punk who no one but she likes on myself.. i didnt bring her sudden change of heart, or her incredible feats of deception... no.. i didnt cause her to lie.
.. tho im sure if she gets around to reading this, it will cause her to justify her current feelings for him and not me.. because shell read this and get angry with me, maybe cry (please dont cry im not worth it at this point in your life)..shell go to him and hell comfort her.. hell tell her the things he should to get her to calm donw.. then hell feel like hes the man.. hel say im such a jerk.. but shell not belive him because she knows me and he doesnt.. she knows why i feel this way..and he cant// hell say how im just jealous... please, jealous.. hes only got one thing i want, and its not his togive, its hers, and she stopped loving me apparently.. i hope to god they breakup soon, unless he is also "the only guy she can see herself marrying".. becsue i dont want her to be upset, and i dont want her to hurt anyone else.. im sure shell break up wiith him first, because he knows hes not good enough for her, .. she was too good for me, and he is definately not me.. its such an insult that he was her immideate love interest after me.. its like im aon a 4 month episode of candid camera... how soon i was replaced with him. i wonder if he will read this.... it doesnt matter.. im sure he caught all this when we locked eyes tonight.. unless he was staring past me... hes got balls alright... im glad im not aviolent person, im sure hes glad too.. and i know shes still woried, but she knows me.. he cant...
i noticed he changed his hair..
she likes good hair... she prolly always gives him hair advicie
im just waiting to see if hes gonna grow in sideburns, then it will be official
but yeah.. when i see her i dont think of the good memories.. just these thoughts .. and some more i dont wish to type.
she knows.. its why i dont look at her anymore.
i only look at her when shes not loking at me..
she knows.
she knows me.
you cant.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
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| Time: | 1:29 pm. |
| Mood: | pissed for other reasons. |
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1. What's on your bedside table?
the Monev the Gale clear variant action figure from trigun, and a blue glowing LED Orb light... the table is glass, there is a light under it to light up Monev, and a clear and blue coaster
2. What's the geekiest part of your music collection?
cant get much more geeky than nerdcore
3. What do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?
water, awesome blossomes (in my sleep), green tea, pickles, hot peppers, juicy juice, tastychips (when im drunk), cheese, pepperoni, anyother leftovers in my room... lately its been alot of thai food
4. What is your secret guaranteed weeping film?
the professional, and all the movies i made my senior year at rider
5. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
if plastic surgery can make it so i dont have to bother with shaving, then id get that.. other than that i dont think id wanna change the way i look.. i like a challenge
6. Do you have a completely irrational fear?
that microsoft will buy up as many game developers as they can so that no matter what id have to end up buying an xbox to play the good games.. i think about it alot. and recently ive acquired the fear of being alone forthe rest of my life
7. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
ive learned to supress what habits i had, but if a person knows me, they can see most any feeling in my eyes
8. Do you ever have to beg?
if i ever have to its more like "selling the concept," rather than begging
9. Do you have too many love interests?
Does this include ficticious characters?
im not sure anymore, seems if i do it may as well be fictitious
10. Do you know anyone famous?
yes
11. Describe your bed.
black futon, overly expensive black mat that has individually coiled springs so its more like a mattress when you sleep on it but still feels like a futon mat should, king size black covers, blue throw, black and blue pillows, soooooo comfy
12. Spontaneous or plan?
rockstar.
13. Who should play you in a movie about your life?
jonny depp, its such the right choice
14. Do you know how to play poker?
yes, how the hell is this question interesting?
15. What do you carry with you at all times?
cell, money, wallet, one white and one blue LED, laser, camera, keys, blue swissarmy knife, black and blue lanyard, C clip, various palstic cards, notepad, pocket pc (not so much anymore), necklace, joker card, get out of jail free card, SigEp and wendys card, old rider id, GBA SP, liscence, insurance stuff... stress
16. How do you drive?
my left knee usually ends up against the door and i usually only grab the wheel with my left hand (but im not a thug), my cell phone sits between my legs so i can feel it ring, usually not alone, blue glow of the 4 cold cathode tubes makes me feel like the future has come, tho it hasnt.. its just light...basicaly i drive like a spy.
17. What do you miss most about being little?
being able to hide in smaller things, wonder, not being hurt, no stress, less fear, always learning, how secure i was, bikes, action figures, pretending i hated to be tickled, swimming all the time, not having to worry about anything i worry about now, ice cream, when it would pour rain but the sun was still out-- seems taht never happens anymore... television that had no real meaning other than to teach you a lesson at the end of the show you already knew but you watched anyway because balki was so intoxicatingly funny, hugging really big people, my cousin, my grandfather, wearing hot pink and yellow clothes and my friends being jealous of it, converse, thining id never makeit to the bathroom on time when i had to pee and we were driving to the shore for vacation each year, when rusty was a kitten, and hacking i guess.
18. Are you happy with your given name?
obviously not... ED is the most boring name..and does not fit me. JOHN is even more boring because everyone has it... and PALUMBO is jsut rediculous.. Edward John Palumbo III.... the fact taht i am the third kind of hurts... i hate knowing that others had to deal with such mediocrity before me, but at the same time i get a sense of pride, and i am the last male Palumbo, tho i dont care much for tradition, or the name itself, id like to havea son. id much rather be named ethan.
19. What color is your bedroom?
walls are grey, floor is a silvery blue, ceiling is sand textured and white, closet and curtains are of black crushed velvet like material on grey rods with clear blue cylindrical tips, all furniture is from ikea, all is silvery grey or cobalt grey or black, lots of black glass and modern.. lots of angles and mood lighing, tons of blue LEDs.. grey block shelves....basically everything is black grey silver and blue.. and at night its like the bottom of the ocean. all lit blue
20. What was the last song you were listening to?
incubus, pardon me
21. Have you ever been in a school play?
Backstage and on stage
22. Have you ever been in love?
Yes. Very much so.
23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
Sometimes. lately its hard
25. Do you think you're cute?
not at all, and i dont believe people when they tell me, and i wont beleive you
26. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
yes, but i go out of my way for people that dont deserve it too often and i end up putting my resources on the line for them.. i never expect repayment, which is good, because 99% of the time i dont get it.. all i want is for everyone to be like me in that regard, it would make helping other people so much easier, and getting help woulndt be hard at all when you need it.. im not sure that sounds the way i wanted it to, but whatever.. i think to be a nice person you have to put yourself on the line, you have to try when the opportunity presents itself, and not look at a situation that isnt equal and let it remain that way. when a situation isnt equal i try.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
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Thursday, August 21st, 2003
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ive delegated a structure towards the baltimore pics, the boston pics, some ohter pics and what not.. put aup a few random pics and stuff.. jsut a better ample of who i am..in th epoetry gallery on page two of my gallery..
http://ed.pocket37.com
i promise ot actually telyou all what happend the past 2 weeksor so.. but i wantthe pics upat the same time.. so the experience is more multimedia. trust me youll need to see what im talking about ..
anyone hVEA any money the wanna give ,me? my credit card bill came/// its bigger than you think credit cards bills can be... i hate not having a limit. oh well..
i have to go do something
my hair is still blue.
i love cats
and i have over 400 LEDs in my room
i have to go do something.
txt.ed
tonight one of my fav friends will be spinning SIN.
dj r0mp
see you all there
lets be best friends
i was told by 3 people last week that i should have my own show on g4.. i think that means its true. if i move to california ill do it.
so chedk the pics i DID put up.. only like 10.. they mean nothing
i left my mustasche in her apt
whats better? to wake up in the arms of friends?
to sleep in the arms of friends?
or to lay awake in the arms of friends?
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
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Sunday, August 10th, 2003
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im going out tonight,. but maybe when iget backin ill upload the 640 something pics from baltimore.. some ware pretty revealing, so i might have to get approval... (ahem candi...ahem ahem ahem ahem melodie ahem).. you wouldnt believe the sotries when you read them so wait until you see the pics.. i maintainthat i am the spontaneous wreslting champion of the galaxy. .. how did that even start? ttys
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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its like i survived somehting i was suposed to die from. my tragedy. but why am i still here
if it hurts this bad.
60 days later
i feel the same today as i did then. t=nothing for me has changed, excpet everyhintg.
everything has changed, i have nothing.
nothing is better, except change.
nothing for me.
pain in evert=ything.
the pictures, the memories, the trinkets, the neatly folded gum wrappers, the reciepts, the ticket stubbs, the programs, the tapes, the videos, the adventures, the picures, the memories, the scouting cards, the 25 cent toys, the gifts, the presents, the lizard, the vacations, the hairs on my pillow and on my couch, the game saves, the pictures, the memories, the plans, the goals, the intentions, the desires, the future, the past, the present, the future, the smirks, the sideways faces, the stomach punches, the sleeptalks, the best years of my life, the worst day of my life.
i f i dont die from the pain,
ther is still a chance..
i wish instead of me writing this, i couldma ke gian ice scupltures
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
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i cant do these on my own, i could use some help. someone please do something, take me sonewhere, call me, kidnap me, visit me, destroy a city with me, relate to me, listen to me, teach me something, learn from me, look at me, undesrtand me, understand me, understand me, know, eat with me, laugh with me, sit with me, sleep on me, wrestle me, remember me, remember me, remember me, talk to me, scout me, help me, push me, encourage me, hear me, hold me, remember me, play with cats with me, play video games with me, shop with me, walk with me, cry with me, trust me, tell me, hit me, smell me, wait for me, walk to me, run to me, run from me, run to me, agree with me, tickle me, laugh at me, disagree with me, explain to me, explain to me, drive with me, drive me, hold my hand, bite me, watch movies with me, watch anime with me, be a rock star with me, dress up with me, dress down with me, go places with me, win with me, lose to me, take a chance with me, hug me, tighter, remember me, make a wish with me
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, July 26th, 2003
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!! OTAKON !!
ok this is a very imoprtant post...
i you plan on going to otakon and want to be a rockstar in baltimore (stay with me and friends) then you MUST look at this page and give feedback as to which place youd like to stay at.. its a page from hotels.com, with the dates and location set, they hotels are in proximity order (first is closest to the baltimore convention center then the priximity number increases as you can see as you scroll down the page
you DO NOT have to attend otakon, you could just party in the room or in baltimore all weekendQ!
also, i dont plan on getting a room for more than "2" people because it is very stupid to pay for 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 when 8 or 9 or 10 people might be crashing there, so by "saying 2 will be satyaing" and not getting in trouble, we should be able to totally afford a sweet ass honeymoon sweet... who wants to be my wife??
HOTELS
CLICK THeSe AND LOOK (opens in a new window)click here to browse possible hotels and rooms and prices and proximities
AREA MAP
this next link is a map of the hotels and thier proximity to the convention
MAP OF AREA AND HOTEL LOCATIONS
PARKING
the link above also includes eating and parking locations as well
hopefully the hotel we get will have more than one parking space per room
WHO IS GOING?
if i dont get enough feedback on this by monday i will assume you dont plan on going and if you show up last minute i cant garuntee that we will have sapce for you, i dont want to exclude anyone so please give me any and all serious feedback or information about the weekend
DRIVING
i will be driving, my car can take 5 people with luggage, but no more thatn that so we will need at least one more driver....
Convention Hours
thisis from the otakon website (www.otakon.com)
Fri, Aug. 8
09:00am-02:00am
(Sat night)
Sat, Aug. 9
09:00am-02:00am
(Sun night)
Sun, Aug. 10
09:00am-15:00pm
Membership Registration at the Convention
People may register at the convention for a 3-day membership for $50, Friday only membership for $30, Saturday only membership for $35, and Sunday only membership for $20. We accept only cash, Visa & MasterCard at the convention.
i plan on leaving late thursday night or early friday morning with my carload...staying the whole time and coming home sunday night
this is a trip to baltimore MARYLAND, with traffic and getting lost you should manage prep time accordingly.. drivers should share directions and please pee before you leave
here is how to get ahold of me:
- reply to this LJ message
- email: ed@pocket37.com
- web: ed.pocket37.com
(opens in new window)
- aim: neoe3, pistolwhip37, pocket37
- txt: txt.ed
(opens in new window)
- friendster: send a message to .ed
- or just call me: 267.994.3562
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 11:18 pm. |
| Mood: |  artistic. |
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ok so wednesday night was crazy.. me and ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) r0mpmet up at dyskonekt and razor_dolly's apt on south and met some other peeps theere,, paul, and statictracer and pre partied whiel everyone got dressede up and james grew a red mullet (pics @ ed.pocket37.com)..well mike didnt drink cuz of last week..:O...
then we finally got o shampoo at like 12 somehjting, after a fantasic ridein james' 195x hearse(pics @ ed.pocket37.com), which unfortunately was locked with keys somewhere in shampoo by the end of the night.. but james founda key when he went back into the club. :/
there was like 100 peple i knew at shampoo,, it was crazy, i hadnt been there in so long i had apretty good time..
james delivered a powerful drink and i was switched on
despite shampoo's recockulous camera rules we took 90 something pics of the night there..
met up with candi (the wettest girl i know),
and some girls,
and brendon,
and some other girls,
and some girl,
and kristoff,
and this guy i know,
and this girl who has a jetta,
and melodie (tiny),
and some people form highschool
, and dink,
and john,
and katie (too grabby for me o_O),
and sone other girl,
and this guy todd who was cool.
and some other people,
and moe (sp)
and this dude jeff....
i think thats all... if i left you out let me know.. oh
and i saw lestat but he didnt see me, sorry duide you were in a conversation that looked important (biz stuff)..
and..
and..then we left..
(pics @ ed.pocket37.com)
seriously just check out hte pics its easier...
then last night i was driving home at like 2 and dustin calls me and was all "you wanna cruise around in an escalade ext?" so i hung a hard left down trenton rd and we torched the earth inthat thing... tonns of fun.. it was just like the one in the matrix reloaded, cept me and dustin were the twins and we didnt have guns or razors.. but we had cameras and fun,
i like making fun of people who drve em' but you cant deny how nice a $100,000.00 truck is.
applause.
check out the pics at the links i already posted... by the way did you niotice my website is up? hahaha.. more pics soonn.... see everyone on satuerday... and i mean EVERYONE@!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
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| Time: | 3:21 am. |
| Mood: |  good. |
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me and Dan T Kaplan went to the south street today where i got a figure, and dan got some pies.
razor_dolly cut my hair today... hung out some with her
i got another pair of rockstar sunglasses
today was wades birthday.. wade's comic madness
went to nifty fifties with 10 or so peeples
came home with 4 rouges and watched super troopers while k3n finisehd my website.. w000000000!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WEBSITE DONE = PICS NOW SEEABLE!!!!
il put more pics up tomorrw, but heres the site for now: |ed.pocket37.com|<--this
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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ok heres the deal.
otakon (hugest anime convention) is aug 8-10th in baltimore...
if you wanna go in an a room, possibly a big one, with jacuzzi and multiple rooms (honeymoon suite style) let me know, i wanna throw a huge couple of parties while im there with cool people and people we meet... the more go the less$$$ it will be... so even if you sdont want to go to the convention, its gonna be a stellar weekend in baltimorre.. rockstar caliber.. PFF possibly,. no, definately!
get ahold of me asap
aim: neoe3 or pistolwhip37
cell: 267.994.3562
txt msg me (best way) |txt.ed|<--here
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Comments: Read 14 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 11:48 pm. |
| Mood: |  curious. |
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hmmm, so last thursday was crazy.
met this guy named christophe (sp) who was really interesting on chestnut, hopefully ill bump into him a 3rd time
ended up crashing at my sistrers apartment thurs night at 5 or 6 am (friday)
then next morning was straight out of pulp fiction, i drove over to dustin's house and pulled the car up his nieghbors driveway and onto dustins front yard so we could get it near the hose.. we were both standing there spraying the car down, and cleaning marvins brains that mike popped all out and off my car
then i strolled into work and found out i no longer had a manager.. awesome
but im gonna quit soon anyway
spent the weekend watching my sisters apt while my fam went on vacation.. played some games, hung out,,, ate all her food.. she always has these new foods for me to discover... like these new cookie type things called crispums.. blue berry = flawless
im starting to feel better.. still havent got the pics from the infamous pff post sin costume bonanza developed yet... r0mp should pick um up[ soon
sunday nightwent to get city pizza..lorenzos <33333
with k3n, r0mp, spacker, dtk, and stefbomb
chilled with alexander anderson and learned the best bum advice in a while.. hes great. kinda
then me k3nand r0mp stopped in to see dyskonekt , amusia, razor_dolly and ptcruiser jess (fromn the beach trip)..we were all pretty tired.. blue fell alseep, and tv ws in the fireplace. ... ... then we solicited people on south for a cig for jess... shes too quiet to hear tho i think.. either thator people in philly are rude (no not posible!)
this sat i have 2 huge parties to go to and a bachelor party all in the same night..
imma hit up all 3 if i can cuz rockstar.ed mus'nt be lame!
i requested off work a whole lot.. fo rthat and otakon.. if anyone waNTts to to msg or call me cuz im prolyl gonna end up getting a huge hotel room with jacuzzi and living room to throw crazy baltimore sized otaku patires in all weekend tehre... leme know~!!!
ok its either this:
Killtoylove: dolla bowling in jersey tonight
Killtoylove: dlla drinks, dolla bowling, dlla shoes
pistolwhip 37: dolla shoes!!
pistolwhip 37: word
Killtoylove: yeah
or
something
for me tonight
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, July 16th, 2003
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| Time: | 1:13 am. |
| Mood: |  lonely. |
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pistolwhip 37: hey
deaddog37: oi
pistolwhip 37: whats goin on
deaddog37: bout to go to sleep
pistolwhip 37: oh
deaddog37: i've been tired all day
deaddog37: so i figure i should go to sleep early
pistolwhip 37: sign of teh gay
deaddog37: heh
pistolwhip 37: yeah i should prolly og ot bed too
pistolwhip 37: al i do anymore is sit at the pc waiting for something to happen for hours upon hours
pistolwhip 37: and nothing happens
deaddog37: somthing like what
deaddog37: you hsould read books instead
pistolwhip 37: i duuno, someone wanting to do somehting new
deaddog37: yeah
pistolwhip 37: someone telling me something that had hurt me was a joke
deaddog37: hmmm
deaddog37: i read your livejournal thing
pistolwhip 37: maybe a squirrel will come in my room
pistolwhip 37: something
deaddog37: i know exactly how you feel
pistolwhip 37: good cuz i dont
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 12:32 am. |
| Mood: | withering. |
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today someone i work with said this:
"ed, you know what the worst thing in the world is.. girls. and you know why...because when you least expect it, you know things are ok, nothing crazy they stab you,, right in the face.. and youu just want to fucking die .. ...i mean, ive only been dating this girl for like 2 months now and she said she loves me. i mean right? ed.. right?"
i was with him, right up until the end
i think he noticed my eyes glaze over,
he asked if i "have a girl?"
i said "i had one"
"..."
i explained to him:
"with my previous ex girlfiend, when we broke up it was like a branch was cut from my tree, i had a huge gaping hole in me... a void that hurt so much and was so damaging that it was hard for me to comprehend how to fill the wound.
but alayna isnt a branch.
she is my sun
and my water
without her, ther is no one wound, because my whole existance was built and survived with her support and without that all of my branches will wither and die
so much of me was integrated with her
when i look at
everthing i own,
everything ive done,
everyhting i had plans for,
enverything i set out to do,
everything i thought my future would be like,
everyhing i cared about, everything i loved,
everything i knew to be true, everyhing i did over the past years,
all of my time' enrergy, effort, money, laughter, happiness, love, experience, and hope was for her/
my tree is now withering,
im starving now
nothing can fill the void
nothing is big enough
nothing matters
nothing helps
nothing hurts more
nothing
i said i would do anything for her.
now i am"
he said "yeah i guess my girl is alright, maybe i love her too, ya know"
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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contemplative.
anxious.